“It will all buff out” is something my husband has said to me for as long as I can remember. Anytime I feel anxious or I’m facing a difficult problem or stressed, he tells me “It will all buff out.” When he was in the Army, it literally became his team motto. Everyone would know that when faced with a difficult situation or setback, in combat, his response would be “it will all buff out!” It wasn’t until recently that I came to realize the significance of this phrase and how fundamental it is to his success, and how I should be using this philosophy in my everyday life, and not just as a tagline for my website. AS I said, my husband has used this philosophy for as long as I can remember, and for as long as I can remember he has been one of the most driven and determined people I have ever met.
When I think of his outlook and attitude I don’t think of him as an in-your-face optimist. He isn’t someone skipping around talking about rainbows and sunshine; though since we have two little girls, this definitely happens more than it used to. But he is the type of person who just knows that whatever the issue or problem, you will get through it. In Discipline Equals Freedom, Jocko Willink, Navy Seal Commander for over 20 years, stated something similar to my husbands motto; When facing adversity with the enemy, and his team would relay the problem, his response would always be “Good.” No matter how difficult the analysis of the situation, he would simply respond “Good.” He viewed every problem, as an opportunity to find new solutions. He didn’t dwell on the issue, and wallow in fear or sadness, he knew he needed to push through. Lives were on the line and there was no time but to find a solution and move forward.
I’m currently reading a book by Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life. Generally, I don’t like to post reviews about a book until I have finished, but this book is speaking to me. This section of the book is speaking to me, because it speaks to exactly my husband’s motto, and how this outlook has enabled him to strive toward success, even during hardship. He generally doesn’t dwell on a problem, he assesses, finds solutions and just moves forward. Some could possibly argue this is a trait learned through special forces leadership training as it is something that he and Jocko share, but this is something more. In The Happiness Advantage, Achor refers to this as the “Third Path.” When faced with adversity, people generally choose one of three paths: One path keeps you circling right where you are, a second path leads you towards continued negative consequences, and a third path leads you to a place where you use adversity to become even stronger and more capable. This third path allows you to grow, to move forward, to be better.
And this all boils down to mental attitude. Do you view a problem as an opportunity to make positive changes? Do you view losing your job as a opportunity to follow your dreams, or do you view it as a sign that you simply aren’t capable? Do you view the end of a relationship as an example of another failure, or the opportunity to find your soulmate? How we view an event, our interpretation and perception of reality, can be far more powerful than the event itself; and determines our ability or inability to move forward, to push forward, to rise above.
We don’t have to walk around believing everything is always perfect and always will be; What we need to do is believe that when things aren’t perfect and when we fall down, that we will get back up. We will move forward. We need to have the type of positive attitude that believes there is no way to move but forward, and the way forward is to success. This success isn’t just in combat or in work, but at home. Sure, there are moments where I feel frustrated and exhausted like the day will never end, but in reality I know it will. I know eventually we will move forward; this season of life will pass, and how I look back on it will depend on my outlook. Today I choose to change my perspective; to view all situations with rose-colored glasses, seeing problems are there, but focusing on the positives, knowing I can move forward, and so can you.